Tuesday, July 18, 2006 | 9:30 PM

I have all my issues settled. I'm starting to talk to my mum again after 2 silent wars which lasted for a week plus which explains how rebellious and unaccepting to many things for the past few days. (phew, what a long sentence)
So I'm now glad to have ran the semis. I no longer regret it and I am proud of my team. Altho years later when I recover this post and review previous entries I wld find myself a person full of contradictions and sentences made tt are not firm, I'm still going to say I am proud of the team. Tmr's the finals. Although as a reserve I didn't train last monday due to the stupid cut behind the heel, I'm mentally on form and yea adrenaline blah blah. I figured tt there isn't any point in sulking anymore as what I'm doing only serve to dampen the spirits of the relay team. I won't want anyone to be affected just because I WAS upset because in years to come, I want memories of this 2006 relay team to be a fantastic one. So the first step, somehow as a morale booster, I'll hv to convince them tt I'm in fr it and I'm having trust and faith in them. ((:
So my classmates wld prolly find David a retard who was crazily bitching abt this whole thing 2 days back and now enthusiastically supporting and rooting for the team. I'm sure you guys wld understand why I changed for the better when you reach the stadium and hear us roar with pride and fight with honour. (I know its damn cliched but who cares) Hence to all my team mates from the relays all the entire track, I'm proud of you guys and whatever qualms we had, let's bury it for the competition and hopefully we'll present ourselves improved and stronger next year in the 2007 nationals. And may this spirit last forever among all our athletes in the years to come. ((:

Anyway I'm nt going to ask Fabian for his permission but I'm gg to post his award-winning email that moticated me. I want to thank this guy as a brother, team mate, vice cap, captain for relays and friend for this really touching email. Pardon me if I'm getting brokeback here. hehs. So here it is:
Bro...hard to tell u thru a msg...nor do i stop n chat wid u for long in sch...so decided to drop u an email. Listen...how u feel now is only natural...n i dun blame u on how u may view me as a fren...or as a team captain...i hav been listening to loads fr here n there...n ive come to noe tt u rly are takin a hard knock fr the recent event... b4 i explain thgs...i will tell u abit of my own story...when i was sec4...i placed track 1st hand above all...trained very hard...even on wkends...during hols...almost everyday...wat was it for?any athlete wld noe tt i wanted to win...my tots were to win in tt year's nats so i cld attempt smth new in JC...hu was to noe a few days b4 nats...some ass fell on my leg n injured me...high jump...relays...screw them all...wat did i train for?wat did my team tell me?rest well...n they will save me for the relay semis..but on tt day...my coach didnt allow me to run...i was angry cos i knew or i tot i cld do better...but hu was to noe?u nv noe hu wld do better in the heat of the race...its all mental... ive been thru such thgs...n i noe how much u wan tis...BUT...i do not agree tt bryan is better than u or otherwise...cos to me...in terms of sprinting...both of u are on form...n both of u got the potential to run this...wat den was the deciding factor tt picked bryan? my answer to u is nt favouritism n i wld even tell u it wasnt the votes tt decided...it was team spirit n team confidence...at this pt of time...if i were to let the decision be based on the moral n right thg to do...of cos it wld be u running the race...but if i were to put u in the finals...u shd be able to understand tt our team's morale will go down...n ive seen wat morale can do in a final race...i cannot satisfy 1 person n disregard the other team's members...n if i had a choice i wldnt hav voted...but tell me if tt makes u any happier? now i wun ask u to cheer up or anythg...cos i noe tt is ridiculous to ask for...juz rmb tt u hold a place on this team no matter wat happens...win or lose we will nt forget u...now understand y i chose bryan...thruout the trngs...the practices...ive come to noe tt u in fact are nt yet prepared for a big race...no doubt ur fast...if im nt wrong faster than bryan...but i got a very big fear tt u might crack under the pressure of a final race...n i cannot risk this...becos im nt tokin abt individual races here...im referring to a team...i wan the team to be able to work as 1...believe as one...n wry abt nth except to make sure they do well in their own leg of the race instead of watching out for mistakes in other sections of the team... n how often do i get to pass the baton to u...or the qns is...how confident am i tt the pass will go perfect?there wun be no 2nd chance this time...when u thk of attendance...tell me how often were u late?dude..u aint in this alone...when u train...u dun train ur ownslf...u train wid the team...u warm up as a team...u do drills as a team...a team of 4 gd individuals may nt do as gd as a fairly gd but united 1...i believe tt bryan believes in himslf...n tt's wat i mean by being prepared for the big race...i cannot put u aft all tt ive heard fr u...i dun wan to hear tt a teammate is so scared of screwing up...i can accept if ur afraid we'r nt gona win...but im nt able to accept if ur afraid tt u cant even pass the baton...being prepared is to be confident of completing a race n nt win it... all is nt lost...i wldnt be in track now if i didnt wan revenge...i wldnt be here if i didnt feel my work is incomplete...n i believe as a sportsperson...its a most valued quality to nt giv up...bryan...like u has trained hard...n i cannot allow to judge upon hu puts in more effort or wat not...only god noes tt...uve got 1 more big year comin up...an opportunity is there for u n u gona forgo it?so are u tellin me u trained 2 yrs for nth?like u said...are u gona train to support?come on dude...i told u to be remain prepared for the race becos anythg goes on the final day...some accident may happen n tt place will be taken by no other runner but u...no1 else...nt even a volunteer...n if u fkin thk tt the race is over...im gona kill u...becos dun come tellin me u aint prepared if i ask u to run... i believe u hav learnt alot abt sprinting n uve come a long way...n ur sprinting has improved by more than i can ask for...its nt time to store it in past memories yet...becos the skills n techniques tt uve learnt are nt yet been fully put to use...continue to run or not...its again up to u...if there be a future for u in track nxt year...rmb 1 thg...nv doubt urslf...u gotta believe u can do it...nt only believe but actually perform it as well...if u cant believe in urslf...how to believe as a team?i believe tt wat i said b4 is very wrong..abt nxt year having no chance for the relay team...i forgot tt its precisely the same thg tt was said last year abt this year's relay team...look how thgs turned out? i believe we hav a pretty strong team at hand...n if u are rly worried as in whether u get colours or nt...if we win...all ppl in the registered team gets the award...if tis last statement does cheer u up tho...i muz say tt uve got the wrong idea...its the process n nt the destination tt matters the most...i noe i can trust u to carry on the idea of a gd relay team to the nxt...n by den dun repeat the same mistakes we did...look out for external relay comps to practice...n oso make sure tt the baton can be passed eyes closed by the time u step into nats...if u believe u can carry out this task...den do it well...if nt dun do it at all. y do i even bother?cos u aint an outkast u thk u may be...

I love my track. I really do. ((:
And when I looked at the tracks from the library today, I can't imagine the day when I have to retire and bid farewell. It has always been a passion and those trgs we had wld be remembered till the day I die.