Saturday, July 29, 2006 | 9:15 PM

Track Nationals '06. 

Friday, July 28, 2006 | 8:23 PM

I actually took a taxi down to sch just to make sure I don't miss math lesson when I left my hse late this morning. Sy, of all times must tell me this, 'wah. just coz it's math you're cabbing down.' THANKS OK. I've morphed into a haslf-fledged mugger and wld soon dominate; ahead of those 2 non-muggers-who-happen-to-do-better-than-me-in-class. I WILL. And it's happening alr. Weimin told me today abt the canoeists intention to sign some petition and file in to the P to request fr trg again. I think sports shouldn't take an absolute break frm trg. It's not easy to switch frm tt old schedule to a new crazy-mugging one just over a week. I wld rather we lower the frequency of trg to 2x/wk entitling us to extra time fr studying and at the same time maintaing the level of our fitness. The sch shld prolly only halt all cca a month before promos. Its only approaching August, we still have 2mths before promos. Anyway, I'll still train w/ Raj, prolly next wk but I'm so lazy and worried abt the upcoming econs tests tt I seem to forget the promise I made w/ myself and raj aft Nats. Anyway we were discussing abt e promos and grades when I told wm abt getting the book prize fr Bio. And he's after the math/h1 history book prize!! wth!!

Had lunch w/ sy, hem and su. I hope things b/w the ppl involved in the you-know-what will clear soon and nobody wld feel cooped up by nxt week. We really can't afford to have anyone falling out b'cos of minor situations. It's not like any of them is drop-dead bitchy anyw. Oh and I ran into the 09 gals at TM's fdcourt. I'm kinda able to suppress tt emotion/expression tt I miss the days last yr ever since, so its kinda in e back of my mind now.

Oh and I figured I have this new hate for 2 groups of ppl. 1stly, the SBS busdrivers. THOSE OLD BASTARDS WITH A FUCKING ATTITUDE. They seem to think that all students are out to cheat the govt of its money. Their ever-conscious watchful eyes seem to sting your back whenever you get up the bus. Bloody dickheads. Anyway this sec sch student got up the bus and when I was in front of him tapping my card, the driver was forcing him to re-tap twice to just ensure he didn't cheat the machine. I don't know what's wrong with the drivers but their attitude suck big time. I've ran into one and he didn't have a gd time dealing with his manager speaking to him. hahas! Oh yea, some are really nice like those tt always stop fr me in the morning when I run like a maniac to the bus-stop, or I wld have been late more frequent than I alr am. hehs. The other grp are those actively playing their mp3s on public transportation via their dumb phones. They are either too poor to afford a damn earpiece or just too broke to buy an mp3 player. It's tolerable if your phone is at least a walkman phone and you play it softly with the phone near those nearly-deaf ears instead of blasting it. Maybe they're just overly-AA and suppose this wld bring them some short-span fame while they're on the bus. snorts.

This wld never end if I go on and on abt twits and rude drivers, besides I'm not making a difference yea. We'll just hv to make do with these ppl ard. Perhaps it's only with them here tt console us for we know we're not the clowns of this konked-up society. You need the insane to show that you still have some sanity yea? Maybe I' nt making any sense cos it's Friday and I'm nt gg thinking straight.

Thursday, July 27, 2006 | 8:24 PM

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Then, tag 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I LOVE the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a(MANY) hidden talent(S).
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a BETTER dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i LOVE it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys. (LIKE NO)
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love getting hugs.
I've fallen for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I love kisses.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I think climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

And well, the people i tag:
Amantha
CH
Stef
ZJ
Crystal

I think the dude who started this must be obesessed with the same sex or smth. Not tt I'm anti-gays but there seem to be some motive behind this lame thing. Blame shu yun for giving me this kinda crap. Thank god I only did this after the Bio SPA or I wld hv friggin blamed her fr having so much pbms during the spa. hahas! On a side note, I think its one of the least irritating chain-time-wasting msges I got cos I just got to bold and italicised (whatever you call this) the sentences.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 | 12:24 AM

I only realised tt I have a knack for mushrooms, so much so that I'm loving the sch's mushroom soup. Eh, you don't have to remind me tt's like one of the few food tt I can eat in sch.

I don't owe any reading logs but Ms Young has been hounding us like a really despo wolf. Oh well I don't care. And the GP head was in class today for lesson observation or whatever you call that. And being 15mins late fr class really didn't please him. I got quite a hearing but I pulled it off still. This is like the 1st time I got approached this yr compared to last yr when I get it fr uniform/college pin/lateness, you name it. 7 months is a gd record I say. And I was early today man. Absolute rareness. Pak wasn't in sch at all after we spammed the forum and he claimed tt I'll be late. wth.

I'm lost in econs. REALLY. I think I'll beg the econs tutor helping us to brief me on BE insights again. I have no idea how the fuck I'm suppose to go ard doing it. Btw, I fell aslp in math today bcos it was soooooo slooooooow and I was sitting at this stupid end of the class which I swear I won't get near anymore given my crazy math ability. hahas.

I'm nt gg to train so soon. Not this week at least. I tihnk Raj wld skin me when he finds out I on;y intend to start next week but I am so owned by school wk I can hardly find time to sleep. argh whatever I'm off to slp. I really need it! tata.

Monday, July 24, 2006 | 11:26 PM

Ok after a while I decided to come clean with some thoughts. Oh well, was inspired by Shu Yun's entry which somehow happened to be intellectually-churning. OK whatever you call that.

Had sea sports carnival today. As expected, our class' handicapped race came in last. And Amantha kinda withdrew so we had to make shuyun replace her which wasn't too gd an idea given tt she's nt mentally prepared/equipped yadda yadda. Pras and elvis' race didn't go too well as I thought they wld since they're both canoeists. But the consolation is the inter-cca dragonboat race. I'm proud tt our track came in first thrashing soccer by 3s. I know its marginal and they stopped before they reached the finishing line but we had girls and an 1/2hr before the race, crystal and pak were still scouting fr the trackers to take row the boat. Considering this fact, I think we've done pretty well. Btw, it's the last event the seniors and the jr.s can ever compete tgt.

When I saw this line in the forum frm Crystal, it kinda aches. I know I'm gg to miss the 05 batch. They're the closest to me aft all those trg/comps/nats/sch and crap we had at e waffle shop. I can imagine the days ahead w/o them leading us. Repeating a yr made me fall back and rely on their instructions. This probably is due to my dependence and false belief tt everthing wld turn out fine with them ard. Yea, I know I went through this once when I was with the 04 batch but the pain was only so little. I wasn't in the relay teams and I was far too lousy to smell Nats. (not like I'm much better this yr) I know there's an urgency to harden myself and along with the team, swoop medals home. From the track powerhouses' point of view tpj's track is prolly nth threatening but glory isn't gained so easily. We have more hurdles than the big 5 for we don't have trackers DSA-ing to our college and it happens that our team mates were mostly never frm track in sec sch. While others have 4 years of advantage, we have to rely on 2 yrs of trg and lots of mentalilty to push ourselves and break that limit, sometimes at the cost of our academic performance. I'm lazy to get emo and worked-up over this entire changeover of following to leading process and I have only these things to note: Raj and I exchanged conversations abt trg on our own before the official one resumes in October (I dunno why the hell it only resumes so late). So he was placing some trust and hope on me to be with him in the 4by4 team nxt yr. I have this fear of 400m ever since those trgs in the rain last yr w/ the scary seniors but I figured tt since I'm given trust in 400m I shld give it a really gd shot. It isn't like I'm doing above 60s. Since pak can swicth frm long d to 400m, it shldnt be a prob fr a sprinter yea? And I'm placing some trust and belief tt he can be with me in the 4by1 team next yr. And we agreed to visit the gym every week from now on and start building up strength. (: I know I'm crazy with this sudden investment on my pathetic muscles since I've been adviced that my back can't quite handle weights BUT WHO CARES. If I have to undergo physio I will. Besides I really need to tone cos I'll not turn up next yr like a pack of bones. So protein-pumps/shakes here I come. I've seen my 4by1 team this yr lose the opportunity to do well and fabian's dream of winning the relays slip out of his hand. I'll carry on his legacy (or whatever you call this) to win next year. Oh and revenge is sweet, we know that and we'll work for it. We can cry next year after we win and hug each othher in our sweat and tears. I know tt's bittersweet and wld then be the best memory I have of track. ((:

Anyway, I think I'm still dependent on a sprinter icon. hahahhas. Oh yea, prolly mr jiayuan might read this but heck larr. I can't really be bothered. Oh yea, the reigning 200m champion and 1st runner up fr 100m sprinter frm rj wld be my role model or guide kinda thing. I have to do so cos with the j2s gone, I'll be losing my mental-pusher. I know its oxymoronic...

p.s. I think s08 needs another threshing-out-session. The last one's effect is wearing out and we're having many probs w/ one another these days. On the surface no, inside we know we're not happy.

Saturday, July 22, 2006 | 11:25 PM

I'm missing trg.
The canoeists are resuming trg coming friday, why can't track start earlier. I think october is way too long. By then I wld have become a glob of fats. (yea like I wld ever gain weight)
sighs.

Friday, July 21, 2006 | 11:42 PM

I HAVE a gazillion pile of things to do.
I want ro train again.
I know I'm full of ironies.
I know I need to study.
I know I'll be missing trg.

I'll protein-pump/train till I'm just as gd as mr 8pac dude we saw at Nats.
I know I'm far frm it but don't laugh at me.

Thursday, July 20, 2006 | 12:41 AM

I'm running way short of time after nats and reading forum/blogs and writing the list of things tt I have to do. Apparently, the to-do list is so friggin long tt it took me almost an hour to plan my stuff. This is not gay or sissy. I can be disorganised like the typical guy in many ppl's perspectives but I arther not be cos I'll risk my schedule which is always in a mess no matter how hard I try to follow.

In short, I'm really happy for the 4by4 team. I don't go around thinking tt they cld have gotten 3rd or medal or what nots. They have really put in their best and the team effort pulled off well enough. Genever on the other hand is satisfied with her own performance. I inferred this cos she always whine abt getting into finals and full-stop. Honestly, she is one of the better sprinters in fact the best in tp and she cld have soared higher than what she has gotten. I don't know how coaches wld look at her but she has the potential and all the stuff ready to win a girls' 100m but I guess her mentality wasn't to win big. The 4by1 team, my 4 by1 team didn't do too well. I'm being honest and transparent here. It's my personal opinion only so don't take it too hard if any of you trackers read this. I think they were ok. Mentally and physically they were prepared. Fabian questioned abt wtf happened to the timing, the gap b/w him and other runners and abt hw the race didn't seem to be like the one he had in mind during our rest/think-abt-race-session. Definitely smth somewhere had some pbms. We're not sure for now cos I have nt viewed the video. I thought it was Bryan's curve where the lane was so slippery and being in lane 1, hugging the curve caused him to lose balance, but he said he was just afraid of stepping onto some line thing which I cldn't figure out. I thought it was Andrew as he didn't seem to explode as well as he cld. I thought gene conserved his energy UNKNOWINGLY. I drew my OWN possibilities to the disappointment the team has but I never underestimated Fabian and I can't think of anything wrong with his 2nd leg. I'm proud he ran really well and frm the stands I can see him zoom in closing up the gap as of lane 1. I prolly can't say I understand his disappoinment but I am sad too. I wanted to run dwn and hug the team personally cos during the think-your-race-session, me as a reserve thought abt cheering, how the race wld have flowed really smoothly and them winning and I'm the one running dwn hugging them and congratulating them as we all cry in all tt sweat for all our efforts all this while. I didn't get to do this but I promised Fabian I wld lead a better team next yr and we'll clock a better timing, definitely. It's not too early to say this. Raj even told me to train fr 400m so tt I wld be in 4by4 w/ him next yr. I'm really looking fwd to trg again. Although there wld no longer be the fellow trackers tt are so close to me cos they're my batch and we've spent the longest time tgt, it'll make me stronger and be more willing to lead/guide the sprinters. Perhaps I'm nt in any position to teach but a little advice and motivation wld bring out a better us. And lastly, I thank the whole of tpjc track team fr the wonderful time in trgs and thru out Nats2006. ((:

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 | 9:30 PM

I have all my issues settled. I'm starting to talk to my mum again after 2 silent wars which lasted for a week plus which explains how rebellious and unaccepting to many things for the past few days. (phew, what a long sentence)
So I'm now glad to have ran the semis. I no longer regret it and I am proud of my team. Altho years later when I recover this post and review previous entries I wld find myself a person full of contradictions and sentences made tt are not firm, I'm still going to say I am proud of the team. Tmr's the finals. Although as a reserve I didn't train last monday due to the stupid cut behind the heel, I'm mentally on form and yea adrenaline blah blah. I figured tt there isn't any point in sulking anymore as what I'm doing only serve to dampen the spirits of the relay team. I won't want anyone to be affected just because I WAS upset because in years to come, I want memories of this 2006 relay team to be a fantastic one. So the first step, somehow as a morale booster, I'll hv to convince them tt I'm in fr it and I'm having trust and faith in them. ((:
So my classmates wld prolly find David a retard who was crazily bitching abt this whole thing 2 days back and now enthusiastically supporting and rooting for the team. I'm sure you guys wld understand why I changed for the better when you reach the stadium and hear us roar with pride and fight with honour. (I know its damn cliched but who cares) Hence to all my team mates from the relays all the entire track, I'm proud of you guys and whatever qualms we had, let's bury it for the competition and hopefully we'll present ourselves improved and stronger next year in the 2007 nationals. And may this spirit last forever among all our athletes in the years to come. ((:

Anyway I'm nt going to ask Fabian for his permission but I'm gg to post his award-winning email that moticated me. I want to thank this guy as a brother, team mate, vice cap, captain for relays and friend for this really touching email. Pardon me if I'm getting brokeback here. hehs. So here it is:
Bro...hard to tell u thru a msg...nor do i stop n chat wid u for long in sch...so decided to drop u an email. Listen...how u feel now is only natural...n i dun blame u on how u may view me as a fren...or as a team captain...i hav been listening to loads fr here n there...n ive come to noe tt u rly are takin a hard knock fr the recent event... b4 i explain thgs...i will tell u abit of my own story...when i was sec4...i placed track 1st hand above all...trained very hard...even on wkends...during hols...almost everyday...wat was it for?any athlete wld noe tt i wanted to win...my tots were to win in tt year's nats so i cld attempt smth new in JC...hu was to noe a few days b4 nats...some ass fell on my leg n injured me...high jump...relays...screw them all...wat did i train for?wat did my team tell me?rest well...n they will save me for the relay semis..but on tt day...my coach didnt allow me to run...i was angry cos i knew or i tot i cld do better...but hu was to noe?u nv noe hu wld do better in the heat of the race...its all mental... ive been thru such thgs...n i noe how much u wan tis...BUT...i do not agree tt bryan is better than u or otherwise...cos to me...in terms of sprinting...both of u are on form...n both of u got the potential to run this...wat den was the deciding factor tt picked bryan? my answer to u is nt favouritism n i wld even tell u it wasnt the votes tt decided...it was team spirit n team confidence...at this pt of time...if i were to let the decision be based on the moral n right thg to do...of cos it wld be u running the race...but if i were to put u in the finals...u shd be able to understand tt our team's morale will go down...n ive seen wat morale can do in a final race...i cannot satisfy 1 person n disregard the other team's members...n if i had a choice i wldnt hav voted...but tell me if tt makes u any happier? now i wun ask u to cheer up or anythg...cos i noe tt is ridiculous to ask for...juz rmb tt u hold a place on this team no matter wat happens...win or lose we will nt forget u...now understand y i chose bryan...thruout the trngs...the practices...ive come to noe tt u in fact are nt yet prepared for a big race...no doubt ur fast...if im nt wrong faster than bryan...but i got a very big fear tt u might crack under the pressure of a final race...n i cannot risk this...becos im nt tokin abt individual races here...im referring to a team...i wan the team to be able to work as 1...believe as one...n wry abt nth except to make sure they do well in their own leg of the race instead of watching out for mistakes in other sections of the team... n how often do i get to pass the baton to u...or the qns is...how confident am i tt the pass will go perfect?there wun be no 2nd chance this time...when u thk of attendance...tell me how often were u late?dude..u aint in this alone...when u train...u dun train ur ownslf...u train wid the team...u warm up as a team...u do drills as a team...a team of 4 gd individuals may nt do as gd as a fairly gd but united 1...i believe tt bryan believes in himslf...n tt's wat i mean by being prepared for the big race...i cannot put u aft all tt ive heard fr u...i dun wan to hear tt a teammate is so scared of screwing up...i can accept if ur afraid we'r nt gona win...but im nt able to accept if ur afraid tt u cant even pass the baton...being prepared is to be confident of completing a race n nt win it... all is nt lost...i wldnt be in track now if i didnt wan revenge...i wldnt be here if i didnt feel my work is incomplete...n i believe as a sportsperson...its a most valued quality to nt giv up...bryan...like u has trained hard...n i cannot allow to judge upon hu puts in more effort or wat not...only god noes tt...uve got 1 more big year comin up...an opportunity is there for u n u gona forgo it?so are u tellin me u trained 2 yrs for nth?like u said...are u gona train to support?come on dude...i told u to be remain prepared for the race becos anythg goes on the final day...some accident may happen n tt place will be taken by no other runner but u...no1 else...nt even a volunteer...n if u fkin thk tt the race is over...im gona kill u...becos dun come tellin me u aint prepared if i ask u to run... i believe u hav learnt alot abt sprinting n uve come a long way...n ur sprinting has improved by more than i can ask for...its nt time to store it in past memories yet...becos the skills n techniques tt uve learnt are nt yet been fully put to use...continue to run or not...its again up to u...if there be a future for u in track nxt year...rmb 1 thg...nv doubt urslf...u gotta believe u can do it...nt only believe but actually perform it as well...if u cant believe in urslf...how to believe as a team?i believe tt wat i said b4 is very wrong..abt nxt year having no chance for the relay team...i forgot tt its precisely the same thg tt was said last year abt this year's relay team...look how thgs turned out? i believe we hav a pretty strong team at hand...n if u are rly worried as in whether u get colours or nt...if we win...all ppl in the registered team gets the award...if tis last statement does cheer u up tho...i muz say tt uve got the wrong idea...its the process n nt the destination tt matters the most...i noe i can trust u to carry on the idea of a gd relay team to the nxt...n by den dun repeat the same mistakes we did...look out for external relay comps to practice...n oso make sure tt the baton can be passed eyes closed by the time u step into nats...if u believe u can carry out this task...den do it well...if nt dun do it at all. y do i even bother?cos u aint an outkast u thk u may be...

I love my track. I really do. ((:
And when I looked at the tracks from the library today, I can't imagine the day when I have to retire and bid farewell. It has always been a passion and those trgs we had wld be remembered till the day I die.

Monday, July 17, 2006 | 9:34 PM

I was late ytd for the volunteer work for the roadshow against family violence @ WS. Somehow I managed to find the Family Service centre beore being brought over to WS to help distribute some flyers to raise awareness of the event gg on tt afternoon. I didn't like the crowd. It was not easy to engage anyone as the whoe world seem to care abt nth else but their race against time. And some cheapos even came up to me to get a few of tt flower-plastic-card thing. I was more than willing to give them to the kids but adults? fuck them. Grow some hair you ass holes. I finished my part at 1.30 cos I was just too lazy to do it till 4pm like Mr Kenny Tan. I don't see a reason we need to capture the attention of the public after the roadshow has started, it'll only serve as an evil, attracting them to the free prizes and so on. The rest of the time was spent at home sulking away at a reason everybody knows.

Was late fr GP. I was really dressing the deep cut/wound I got from Saturday's PTM. So I skipped GP altogether since I was damn late alr. I tried doing thermochem but Hem, Su and Firdaus were ogling at some absolutely non-thrilling photos frm some crappy book and I actually wasted my time like them. I mean how exciting are photos of sg buildings/skyscrapers? hahas. Econs was smooth sailing. I rmbr most of the concepts and I'm glad 2 other tchrs came to our rescue frm being mislead by the guru tt wasted out time during term2. The new term's spe is hockey by mr samad. Used to find him screwed in the head but he's a really nice tchr. Way nicer than you-know-who. At least there weren't any empty promises or words tt didn't mean anything of significance. Chem lab was ok and I'll have to fix tt expt 1 tt I missed due to nats 100m. Took gp test after sch and skipped trg with the 4by1 team (I assume I wld have been put to run and do some baton things if I went) due to my wound which thankfully served as a gd enough excuse not to train. Don't get me wrong. I want to train. If not fr the wound, I wld still train. (i am still upset w/ e team and anyone can tell) Didn't take the creatine cos i fig it wld be a waste fr me to drink cos I won't be running and I'm nt trg. Oh and also its of meat-origin to some extent. k yea, I got to clear up my stuff. My life is screwed so badly now tt silence and solitude are my only companions.

p.s. mr yazid told joel tt there wld be no trg till october after promos where he, ryan and me wld resume our trg. It's quite a surprise tt he is so confident I wld stay in track aft this nats. Sadly, I've learnt my lesson the hard way.

this is an extract of what Fabian said to me before
semis; it just disappoints me:

Fabian: yea let's do
tis
Fabian: i wan tt medal badly
Fabian: or seriously my time oso
wasted
me: oh ya. the pressure's on me alr. =x
Fabian: u oso work hard
Fabian: nxt year team like abit chum
Fabian: dun thk ull get a 2nd shot
in this
me: tt's why I think this is my last chance. omfg larr. better train
hard frm nw on..
me: yup
Fabian: yup
Fabian: but suficient rest b4 race pls
Fabian: if u ache...tt'sit
me: yea.

Sighs.

| 9:17 PM

I can't believe how much trust and faith I placed in the team, how much I wanted to win together with this team, how much I thought we wld definitely be in and out of the entire competition. So it was all a fabricated lie. A beautiful lie that so sweetly conned me into trusting them. And to think tt the coach isn't a man of his words when it was all decided by fabian alr. 

Saturday, July 15, 2006 | 7:42 PM

When fairness wipes its ass at your face, the sun would rise from the west, the pigs would fly and I'll be fucking your grandma.

Had time trials in the morning. Only recieved msges frm coach and fabian in the morning like 8.45am. I can't believe in the sch's inbox inefficiency or did my phone screw up so badly I recieved msges 10 hours late. Before I begin, I'm sure anyone can tell I didn't get in. Did a 10.8/11.2 and bryan did 11.1 or smth. I can't believe Fabian actually voted for bryan?? I mean like c'mon. The whole 4by1 team of 3 ppl voted against me. How good am I suppose to feel? The rest of the ppl present voted bryan too. Only 1/8 was for me. And I am so glad Leroy told me or I wld have thought it was prolly Fabian or Andrew or Genever. Thanks guys. I so needed to see who you were siding. Its not like a war b/w me and bryan; ultimately this race would definitely be of a greater significance to me than him. I joined track since last yr's PAE. I was the only loser tt stayed this long and my attendance prolly thrash everyone else until the day where I declared war over smth. This yr I'm gg to attend nationals again and I'm gg as a supporter. The thrill you get in the seats. It's so exicitng. After trg for more than a yr, I'm gg as a spectator while someone else run my race? And Fabian told me to stay on form, mentally prepared to run anytime cos Bryan felt sick. I had a 1-7 vote raio and you're telling to be prepared to run? I had the whole team not voting for me after I trained for so long and played a part in the semis? And I'm expected to run for the team tt was not for me? I don't believe in reserves. They're just there because the word reserve exists. Wld a team win by using a reserve? Get real. I'm not defined as a reserve and I wld not run if anything happens to Bryan. We're in top 8 anyway. That was so echoed. So who's claiming the colours award? It doesn't makes me feel better to remember tt Bryan's timing was done without a control. Who said there's to be fairness and transparency in decision? Who wanted only today's timings to be included? Who wanted consistency? I have trusted the wrong person. One whom I look up to more than the captain in many aspects have wronged my judgement. I guess I was never part of the team. Thank you and have a nice day.

Meet-parents-session was ok. Somehow I felt Ms Sha had been too kind with her remarks/comments abt me. I'm nt a very gd boy. I have the ugliest side nobody saw. I am just the pretty box with with worms and maggots rotting so badly inside you're thankful you didn't open it up. I am happy to do well for Bio. I mean the last time I topped the cohort in a subject was in sec 2 so how good can I feel? urgh. I'm not in any mood to engage in self-optimism. I am drowned by anger and disappointment. I want my revenge.

Who desired and dreamt of running the finals for a team. I am in the wrong place all this while.

p.s. syed told me not to take it too hard. I rmbr only 1 vote fr me and it wasn't frm him. thanks.

Friday, July 14, 2006 | 7:38 PM

I didn't know I wld break dwn after realising I'm not in the 4by1 team finals. I guess this is really what I wanted and I didn't value it until it's lost. sighs.

the world crashed; and I was underneath

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 | 11:12 PM

I'm happy the team got in.
I'm afraid I won't make it to be the 1st runner during time trials with starting blocks, baton-in-hand and 1st lane.
I'm fear Raj/Bryan more than anyone else now.
I want to win with the 4by1 team.
I crave for the trophy/medal.
Let's clock a low 44s for the next trg (whether I am gg to be selected fr 1st leg or not.)

If you want to win a race you have to go a little beserk.
Bill Rodgers, four time Boston and New York City Marathon Champion

Sunday, July 09, 2006 | 3:13 PM

((:
I got into the 4by1 team; after a time trial on Sat morning.
I was early fr trg considering all those trgs tt I was late for. Screwed up the first pass frm me to gene alone. And screwed up the 1st recieve from Fabian. I think we could have done better if not wasting Fabian's stamina on the first and my screwed up passing to gene. I'm not even sure if I can do it w/o stepping onto other ppl's lane like I do during trg. It's very stressful down here. Deep within. sighs. But with all that support frm coach, 4by1 and non 4by1 team mates and even non-trackers, I feel better. A little pressure cannot be avoided I guess. I know I AM the weakest link in our 4by1 this time. There is this fear of screwing it up and costing 3 other team mates' trophies. It's a team we're talking about, not just me alone. I have to do this, proper and perfect.
Coach mentioned a few reminders in the forum specially fr the relay team which I think was exclusive fr me as I made the most silly mediocre mistakes tt has the potential to DSQ us. I guess I need to remind myself again:

• Do not place overly-much focus on the stepping
• Place 101% rapid when Fabian says 'up'
• Be 102% careful when passing to gene; don't run into another lane!!!
• Move in with gene along the curve to ease passing
• Shout 'up' BEFORE sticking out the LEFT hand to pass the baton.

ok cool. If I can do all the above, I'll be able to execute the perfect take/pass from 1st to 3rd leg. ((:

c'mon guys let's clock 45 tmr.

Oh and I realised I need a new set of resolutions or rather an upadate of my resols. I'm starting to guess that the whole thing abt ppl not achieving their resols has got to do with not remembering them and not updating them with the months flowing by. And before they know it, one helluva year just ran past their bloody face.

January's resols:
-Be early fr 90% of all meetings/meet-ups.
-Get retained (its sounds stupid but it might nt be easy to persuade the p/vp)
-Choose the right subject combi
-Under the 80th fr college road run
-Get a job/temp-job in the hols
-At least one trophy frm Sports Day
-Get into Nationals (4x100m) fr track (I didn't want this but upon consideration I might find time fr this)
-Do more CIP work
-Get into OCIP this time round
-(this means) Good grades @ common test
-Better grades fr promos
-On-time fr sch/lectures/tutorials
-Get more sleep
-Gain more weight
-Better time management
-Set priorities/agendas

And the new ones added.
-Get BETTER grades fr promos
-Study more I guess
-Win the 4by1 for the finals this nats
-Get at least BBBC for promos.

Friday, July 07, 2006 | 7:59 PM

I am worth $1,850,030 on HumanForSale.com
Thanks to Hidayat I took this really ridiculous survey/test/quiz. I don't care. I am worth more than hidayat. hehs.

Thursday, July 06, 2006 | 10:06 PM

ok got back all results except math H1. screw the cts man. I didn't expect myself to screw chem this badly larr.
Chem can seriously kiss my ass. Considering the effort I put in, I righfully deserve a C and above man. Ok that was random musing to entertain myself so I can retain my sanity after this whole post-result-shock. Chem was so unaccceptable I almost raped all the gals in class. SNORTS. Nobody got an A level pass. I'm damn sorry fr Ms Huang. Apologetic. Seriously could have done better but things happen when all that moley stuff appeared ifo my face. Fortunately the shock was short-lived as I got my antidote fr that shock; Bio results. I guess fr the classmates who didn't do too well for bio, it was more of salt-to-wound than antidote. It wasn't too gd a feeling when I heard Su, Jn and wx didn't do too well. And of all mentally-challenging-to-accept-facts, someone else have to beat us in chem. Once the term starts on organic chem, I'm gonna whoop all arses. grrr.

In a nutshell,
(actual grades/set target)
Biology- B/A
Chemistry- U/B
Econs- D/A
GP- C/(there wasn't really a set target for this)

Look at Chemistry. DAMN DAMN DAMN. I'll make a grand comeback for promos. I still want to qualify fr H3 chem. DON'T LAUGH!! hehs.

p.s. On a +ve note, I got 1st fr Bio, 2nd fr GP, 3rd for Chem (WTF) and I think 5th for econs. That is on a +ve note. Su and wx pls don't kill me. I know you guys hate it when I mention the above esp Su. But I need a little therapy fr my grades which was nt proportionate to my efforts.

Monday, July 03, 2006 | 10:59 PM

Past few days had not been good. Slacking and kissing my own ass my many ppl's ass away. The only thing did brought some life to me was today's Movie Marathon at wx's place. hehs. Although there were so many ppl who cannot make it due to the panorama and mustika must fall sick at the wrong time, we still had our share of fun. It wasn't crazy though. I planned to wreack wx's place into this whole uncleanable mess but there were too little ppl and prolly noise and mess can't really get tgt then. I was late as usual so we ended up with only so little time to watch as much as 3 movies. I had to leave halfway the 3rd with much thanks to trg. I didn't want to miss trg cos I know how much the relay team might need a reserve (for the heats cos I am pretty sure Bryan would be placed for the 2nd leg) so I have to turn up.

I took the most retarded bus trip, other way round away from school and only realised when I found myself at some bedok road. So there goes David late fr training by more than an hour. I bet yazid wanted to kill me but oh well, he prolly gave up hope on me. I know I want to laugh this off my ass, about how silly I was and how funny I actually bothered to turn up fr trg after going in the wrong way and end up doing only 3x20m sprints but with the nationals only this close from us I know I have to get dwn to business. If coach is reading this, I really hope Bryan would be picked to do the relays for the heats. I am not ready. I have 101 baton-passing mishaps happening all those times during morning trgs. I'd like to use the morning-with-no-breakfast excuse fr my lousy performance but I'm sure that's not valid, at least fr myself. Unless I can perform a perfect passing/collecting b/w me, fabian and tun gene by Wednesday trg, I won't want to risk shaming the team on the 10th of july in front of the track powerhouses. (we all know who they are, undeniably) Meanwhile, I am just gg to turn into a clown and poof away after the 100m.

On a sidenote, I have not done my GP homework except for the insanely large amount of reading logs. I guess I'll have to fix them on wednesday. yawns.

Sunday, July 02, 2006 | 1:13 AM

I hv to do well. To compensate for my PW grade which I really don't deserve.