Sunday, October 16, 2005 | 2:31 AM

No way. I can't accept the fact I actually missed vj and sajc's open hse. Darn arses of the hse. nobody woke me up. anyway I forgot to ask the rest if they want to crash so its ok. So what was all the fuss abt? urgh.

Did absolutely nth. Another day gone.

I'm blaming myself again. A draft of mass creations of God. I actually noted tt dwn!? Was it my insolence tt arised frm my ignorance. Was it my freaking attitude. I know I bring down the whole system of trust and belief. I think its all a play of irony. A talk of nth. Emptiness. Is tt me shrouding into darkness, disapperaing frm the world. Losing my sanity?

I whine at myself. Approaching yet the same qn all over again. I know I can't hold such responsibility. If I was to have you, it won;t work out. I'm selfish and yea the ego. It disrupts the rhythm of my life. Ppl work their way to create surprises in their life so each day won't be a replay of ytd. But how many wld wish themselves to suffer different forms of indirect assaults? You made me think of myself. Why the nice attitude. I made myself swear and curse all over you yet a soft spot beneath it all. It has to hurt doesn't it. So what is the troubling smokescreen b/w this truth and the seemingly happy me? You enjoy hw life appears to be contenting to you while I suffocate each time you speak. Are you the wrath or am I existing to be the cursed one? So I can't sacrifice. What's all this reflections bringing me to. I lost my direction and sanity. I lost it all; in just a cheap way.